Gabrielle Ryan Minsker

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY PRINCESS GABS!! I can not even believe that my little princess is 5 today. She has grown up way too fast. It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms and rocking her to sleep, where does the time go? Gabby is the most amazingly sweet, caring, compassionate little girl I have seen. She wears her heart on her sleeve and she would do anything for someone at the age of 5. She never ceases to amaze me.

Gabrielle was one wanted little girl, it took us 2 years, lots of fertility meds, a million tears, and finally a miracle to get her. We were given a due date of October 29, 2006, when this date came and went I knew she was going to be a little girl who did things when she was ready and not when someone tells her. I woke up at 4:15 am on October 30th and I remember the cramps in my stomach were unlike anything I had ever experienced. My stomach would get rock hard and cramp up and then loosen again, I knew these were contractions, I laid there until 5:00am when they were coming every 5 minutes. I woke up Ryan and told him that I think Gabby was ready to join us. I showered and we were off to the hospital. When I arrived at labor and delivery they said I was having contractions but I was only dialated 2 cm's, they wanted me to walk for 2 hours and come back, ok. Ryan and I went for a nice stroll around the hospital and about 1 hour into our walk I said we had to go back, I could barely stand up the pain was gettting so intense. We made our way back to the delivery ward and the nurse "checked me", I remember her looking at me and saying "looks like you are staying, you are now 4 centimeters, you are having a baby today". I wanted to throw up, I looked at Ryan and said I wanted to go home, I was not ready to have her. The nurse told me it was too late for that and next thing I knew I was getting an IV and being wheeled upstairs. When I got to my labor room the anesthelogist was waiting outside the room to give me an epidural, he gave the meds and as soon as I layed back down my water had broke. The nurse informed us that Gabby gone to the bathroom and that she more than likely swallowed it, disgusting! They had to keep a close eye on her. I was laying there about 20 minutes later and I heard an alarm go off and over the intercom system they announced "Pediatric cardiology to labor and delivery 4 STAT", I remember thinking that was sad and then it hit me that I was in labor and delivery 4! Nurses and doctors came rushing in because Gabby's heart rate dropped from 156 to 60, she was asleep and they could not get her to wake up, they kept telling me that if she did not respond and her heart rate did increase I would need an emergency C-section and they would get her out in 10 minutes. I was a trying to stay calm for her and finally her heart rate went back to 150. I moved onto my left side and she seemed to stabalize so for the next 13 hours I did not move from my left side.

At 5:27pm after 1 hour and 42 minutes of pushing Gabrielle Ryan was born. She weighed in at 7lbs 7oz. Now, originally she was going to be Gabrielle Sofia but when she was born she looked SO much like Ryan it was scary. We changed her to Gabrielle Ryan. Gabby's birth was not "magical" as soon as she was born they took her away, they could not get her to breathe and they were jamming a metal tube down her throat to clear out all the baby poop she ate, the seconds felt like minutes and the minutes felt like hours. I remember looking at Ryan's face and it was pure terror, one of the pediatric doctors working on her said that if she did not cry in the next few seconds she needed to get to the NICU, and Ms. Gabby starting whaling! It was the most amazing sound I had ever heard.
                                         

Gabby gave us a nice little scare when she was born but she turned out to be a perfectly healthy baby girl.

Gabrielle, words could not ever express how much you mean to us. You are such an incredible gift and an amazing little girl. You have the charm, wit, looks, personality and brains to bring the world to its knees. Every single day you amaze us with something new that you have learned and give us a million reasons to be proud of you. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful Princess Gabrielle. We love you more than we can ever tell you.

Expander fills and radiation

Just in case I have never expressed this in the past, I hate these tissue expander implants. Friday I will have my 4th "fill", it is a very weird experience to go into a doctors office and watch your chest get bigger. I have had 3 fills since surgery and have 2 maybe 3 left. I have been instructed to take Percocet prior to each fill so I am relaxed during the process and obviously to help with any after expansion pain (there is a lot of discomfort). When I go into the plastic surgeons office I change into a beautiful pink paper shirt and lay down on the table, the doc takes his stud finder and locates the access port in the implant. After he locates this area he marks me up with more purple marker, I have so many purple dots and lines on my chest I look like I have purple skin disorder, once he cleans the area he gets his magical needle and IV tube out. The first time he stuck the needle in my chest he said I may feel a sting from the insertion and then a spasm and burn as the needle goes through the muscle and into the implant, I felt nothing, everything in the area of the surgery is completely numb. However, now that the implant has been expanded out of the surgery area, I get the pleasure of feeling the needle go through my skin and muscle and into the implant, lovely.  Once the needle is in the implant he fills his big ole syringe up with saline and injects it into the IV tube which goes directly in the implant, I feel nothing as this is being done. As he fills I can slowly start to feel my chest getting tight so he fills until I say it is tight enough for now. He removes his needle and repeats this process on the other side. Once I stand up the tightness eases up a bit and then once the Percocet wears off the tightness and muscle cramps are back for about 24 hours until the muscle is stretched. Now, when I  got filled last Monday, I made the decision going into the office that I wanted to get 90cc's in each side. The first time I got filled was the day of surgery and he initially put in 240cc's (per my request, I did not want to wake up flat chested). The first out patient fill he was able to get 80cc's per side, the next fill only 60 due to it being extremely tight. I normally get filled 1 week apart, this last time I was filled on a Friday and then again on Monday. Monday I went in and had him fill 90cc's, BIG MISTAKE! I felt like an elephant was sitting on  my chest as he filled them but I was determined to get 90 in there. About an hour after that fill I was regretting that choice and wanting some taken out. My chest was so tight I could not breathe and the pain and muscle cramps were worse then after the big surgery. I was living on round the clock pain meds. I went to physical therapy almost unable to move, the therapist asked why I would have gotten 150cc's put in all in a 3 day span. Well, radiation starts November 11th and I have to be fully expanded by then. It has been a week and a half since my "big" fill and things have calmed down. I am no longer having muscle cramps and not taking any pain meds. I get filled again this Friday and I will only do 60cc's per side. I am currently at 470cc implants, with the 3 fills I have remaining if I am able to get 60 in each time I will be left with 650cc implants. How big will that make me? I am not sure, currently I am a C so we shall see what happens. The bad thing is I have to keep these implants in until February, then I can get the exchange surgery and have soft normal implants. These rocks make sleeping very difficult, I can not lay flat because I can feel the edges of the implants poking me and when I lay down it just feels like two heavy objects are places on my chest and I can not breathe or move. I am looking forward to the day these things are out of my body.

I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. Strasser, about 2 weeks ago. We discussed when radiation is a necessary step in someones care. He explained to us that with breast cancer the patients that qualify for radiation are those whose chose to have a lumpectomy, are not going to be needing chemotherapy, those with metastatic (cancer that has spread to other parts of the body) disease, those who have more than 3 lymph nodes involved, and those whose primary tumor was bigger than 5 cms. In my case I chose to have the double mastectomy so normally I would not get radiation but because there is no way for them to determine the actual size my tumor was , I had chemo first so everything was shrunk down to a millimeter and MRI's just give an estimate, and the fact that my pathology report showed extensive lymphatic invasion, meaning the cancer cells were starting to invade the lymphatic system in my body, and one lymph node was active at time of surgery he feels I should go ahead with radiation. I was skeptical about agreeing to this, I really wanted surgery to be the end of cancer treatment but once the doc told me that right now my recurrence rate is at 30% and after radiation it will drop down to 10% I was on board. As I said previously I have to be fully expanded before I can begin radiation. With radiation your skin becomes irritated and not able to stretch, therefore I would not be able to get filled. I will go in on November 11th and have my "mapping" done. I am told I will have a CT scan and the nurse will place more purple dots (these will be permanent tattoo dots, wonder if my tattoo count now jumps up from 4?) and I will get "molded". After that every week day for the next 6 weeks I will go into the radiation department of the cancer center and lay in the exact same position and get radiation beamed into my chest, arm pit, and upper chest (heading towards my neck) area. I am told that radiation kills all the cells and tissues in that area so, my skin will likely be irritated and I have very sensitive skin. I am just really ready to get radiation started and over with. I should be done radiation the week of Christmas, I want to end all major cancer treatments in 2011, I want 2012 to have no major cancer treatments in it.

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer of Wilmington, DE | Making Strides

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer of Wilmington, DE Making Strides

12 more days until we walk to end breast cancer. There is still time to donate to or join our team. Every penny donated helps to save the lives of other mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. Thanks to the research that is done with all the donated money the drug Herceptin was found and approved not to long ago. This is the "miracle" drug that made my tumor disappear. I was told by both my oncologist and my surgeon that before Herceptin was found I would not of had a very good prognosis. My cancer was considered aggressive but thanks to all the donations and support for breast cancer the drug was found and now I have one of the best cancers. Herceptin goes in your body and looks for the cancer cell and actually destroys it. I am grateful for organizations like these and for the people that donate or walk to help us stop this disease from taking anymore people.

Cole William Minsker

HAPPY 4th BIRTHDAY COLE-BUG!!! This blog has nothing to do with cancer and everything to do with my amazing, smart, funny, adorable 4 year old little boy.

On October 4, 2007 at 3:30am I got a call from Christiana Hospital stating that I needed to be at Labor and Delivery by 5:00am. With Cole I was being induced a week early because I was so uncomfortable ( I had been pregnant since Feb. of 2006 with only an 8 week break) and because Cole was measuring big. My OB decided that October 4th was a good day since it was his parents anniversary. I got up and got a shower, packed up a diaper bag for Gabby (she was only 11 months old) and got her ready to go to Grammy's. Ryan and I dropped Gabby off and headed to meet my sister at Christiana Hospital. I arrived at 5:00am and went upstairs to the waiting area to be called. I was so nervous, and now that I look back on everything I have been through I would love to be sitting in a waiting room preparing to have a baby then everything I prepare for now.

A nurse finally came and got us, and I remember her so well she was NOT a morning person. She took us to our labor and delivery room and looked at my chart, she asked if I really just had a baby 11 months ago. I told her yes and she said wow 2 babies in one calendar year, I know. I remember being so nervous about having Cole, I was not the same nervous as I was with Gabby. With her it was nervous about labor, nervous about becoming a mommy, and just no clue what I was in for. With Cole I knew he wasn't "ready" to be born yet, he was so high still but I was so tired of being pregnant that I wanted him out. I was nervous because during Gabby's birth there were "complications" (more on that in 3 weeks) I just wanted everything to go smooth. The nurse hooked me up to Pitocin and told me to let her know when I wanted an epidural, I figured I had plenty of time, I was not having any contractions yet and as soon as I said I wanted an epidural last time the anesthesiologist was there in less than 2 minutes.

The morning seemed to be dragging by, I was all hooked up and having small contractions by 6:00am, at 8:00am my doctor arrived, with a big gulp and his cell phone, to break my water. He told me that once he does this the contractions will really start to pick up, boy was he right. The contractions were so bad in  my lower back that I could not even breathe when I was having them, I asked for the epidural and was told the one and only anesthesiologist just went into a c-section and he would be about 45 mins. Are you kidding me! These were the worst pains I have ever felt in my life. Once I finally got the epidural it really didn't seem to help, I was so aggravated and not friendly at this point. Just my luck the Phillies were playing in a playoff game that was on at 1:00pm, so my husband and doctor were very preoccupied with watching the tv. After 10 hours of labor my doctor informed me that it was time to start pushing and that Cole was "sunny side up" meaning he was facing up instead of down, so that explained why the contractions hurt so bad and my back was killing me. 2 hours after I started pushing I still did not have a baby, the doctor told me that Cole was still very high and that they were going to get the O.R. ready for a c-section. I got very angry and told him that he induced me so he better figure out a way to get Cole out without a c-section. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER anger the doctor that this delivering your child. He told me ok and hooked a "vacuum" device to Cole's head and braced himself with one foot up against the wall and the other leg up against the bed and then he started to pull, all his veins were showing in his head , I was sure he was going to deliver just a head with no body attached. He was pulling with everything he had and just like that out came a very chunky and angry looking little boy. Cole's cord was wrapped around his neck and the doctor quickly grabbed it and ripped it over Cole's head. He weighed in at 8lbs 1oz and of course he looked exactly like Ryan too. It is crazy because you don't realize how much you can love another person until you are looking at your newborn child.

Cole was such a good baby the first day and night of his life. The next morning Cole started crying a lot and did not stop for the next 11 months. When he was 3 weeks old we took him to the emergency room at AI because he had cried for 25 straight hours!! He was diagnosed with colic and acid reflux, being around newborn Cole was a joy. After he outgrew his reflux and colic Cole grew into a silly, loving, compassionate, outgoing, and LOUD little boy. Cole has a great personality and everyday he makes us laugh, whether it is with a funny dance, a knock knock joke, or him just simply being Cole. He was definitely a surprise addition to our family but I could not and do not want to picture life without him.

Cole, you have made us so proud of the little boy you have grown into. We love everything about you and can not wait to see what type of man you grow up to be. 4 years ago you completed our family and you remind us daily to just be silly and not take things too seriously. You have been a rock for mommy during all this cancer crap and I can not believe that it has been 4 years since you joined us. WE LOVE YOU SOO MUCH!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBA!!!!!!!

Tissue Expander Implants

Today is 2 weeks since my surgery and 2 weeks since the most uncomfortable, annoying, and painful implants were placed in my body. I met with my BFF (Dr. Pahnke) today, as we walked into an exam room his assistant told us today was his 60th birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! When he walked into the exam room he was not his chipper self, he said the lady he just saw gave him a hard time and yelled at him because he did her biopsy and then went away for 4 days. She wanted to know how he could go away without calling her and giving her results, he said her exact words to him were  "you have no idea how emotional having breast cancer is", he looked at me and said "I told her you do NOT have cancer, why don't you go talk to my next patient, 31 with cancer and just had a bilateral mastectomy, about how emotional breast cancer is", feisty. I felt bad for him, how could anyone be upset with him, he is an incredible doctor who is GREAT at what he does, I will forever be indebted to Dr. Pahnke. Anyway, after our convo he walked over to me and grabbed my arms and straightened them out in front of me, OMG the pain. He then said to lay down and he lifted my arms above my head, I thought I would faint from the pain, after my arm was stuck above my head he started to feel the implant. Feeling the implant is a weird experience because on the outside everything is numb, I could not feel his hand on my chest at all however, when he grabbed the implant and moved it, now that I felt. I almost came off the table. After he was done inflicting a lot of pain I sat up and asked how long my armpits would be swollen for. He ever so nicely walked behind me grabbed the "swollen" area and was squeezing with all he had he said "oh, it is not swollen, this is all your fat" oh nice. He told me that as I am inflated it will all stretch out and get smaller, great. I have been in pain and very uncomfortable since my 8:45am appointment.

I hate to complain about things now that I have been through hell and back but I have to complain about this recovery. I was told that while I have these tissue expander implants in I will be uncomfortable. Well, they forget to add frustrated, limited, in pain, not able to breathe or lay flat, and many other things to their little list. These implants are not like normal implants, they are made of a very hard plastic and since they are not at full capacity you can clearly feel the edges of them under your skin. They also do not move with your body when you sit up, stand up, or move your arms or torso you can feel them, lovely. Also when you try and take a deep breath it feels like a rubber band is wrapped around your chest and starts burning. There are times when I can not even talk because the implants are rubbing and it takes my breath away. As if this was not bad enough then add in the fact that I still can not use my arms all the way. That is the most frustrating part, I can't lift my arms very high before the pulling and burning starts, therefore, I am not able to open the cabinets in my kitchen, I can't reach my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet, I am not able to open medicine bottles, I can finally dress myself. It takes me around 10 minutes to get a shirt on, 5 minutes for the pants, and make up, forget it. It took me 46 minutes to get a shower the other day and my showers only consist of bathing, I have no hair to wash (I have a buzz cut look now so no lengthy shampooing is needed), 46 minutes to wash my body. I am starting to run out of patients! I am bored out of my mind, I can't really go anywhere, no driving myself until November, I am sick of looking at the walls in my house and sitting in my recliner. The highlight of my day is having Ryan lift me up into his truck so we can go get Gabby from school. And lastly the hot flashes since surgery, SERIOUSLY!! I was having them before surgery, thanks chemo, but now they are insane. I get pins and needles all over my body and then instantly become soaking wet with sweat. My hope at this point is that as my implants get filled they will loosen up and all this nonsense will start to get better, if not this is going to be a very long 6 months!

Ouch!

 I want to say thanks to my hubby, Ryan, for writing the last post for me, he did a wonderful job. I also want to say thank you to all the friends and family members that stood beside me these past 6 months. If it was not for all of them I would not be where I am today, all the love, support, cards, everything helped to encourage me to fight through everything and for that I got the ultimate ending, CANCER FREE. I got all 3 of my JP drains out Monday (OUCH and yuck, more on them later) so I am now able to move my arms more which means I can type. I would like to give my side of the surgery experience and basically complain about the recovery, even though it is not as bad as I had myself prepared for. I had 2 great surgeons (one I am loving more and more each day) who made me a promise to keep me safe and make me cancer free. I will try to not re-type things that Ryan has already written.

Two nights before surgery, as I tucked the kids into bed, it finally all hit Gabrielle. I hugged her and as I went to kiss her goodnight she whispered into my ear "please call Aunt Mandy", I told her it was 8:00pm and she would see Aunt Mandy in the morning at school, well she completely lost it and just kept saying "please call Aunt Mandy, I need to talk to Aunt Mandy". I grabbed my phone and called my sister, I told her Gabby was crying and wanted to talk to her, I was sitting on the bed next to Gabby and her conversation broke my heart. She told Aunt Mandy she was scared, she didn't want mommy to have surgery and she didn't want mommy to go to Heaven. I had to walk out of the room, I could not keep it together. She talked to my sister for a bit and she calmed right down. After her conversation I let her get out of bed and stay in the living room with me, how could I not? The next 2 days I tried my hardest to be excited about surgery in front of her, I don't think Cole really was able to process what was going to happen in a few days. I managed to keep it together in front of them but every night after they were in bed I would sit in the living room and cry. I cried because I was scared, because I didn't want to have this surgery, and because it all was becoming too much for me to handle.

The morning of surgery I was up by 3:00am. I laid in my bed and stared and my kids, kind of creepy, and then I got up and went in the living room and cried until everyone got up. I packed my bag for the hospital and the kids bag for the day, when it finally was time to leave I helped the kids get into my dad's truck and I said my goodbye to both of them. I have never had to try so hard to fight back tears in my life. I did not cry one tear drop in front of them that morning, I told them I would call them later that night and I promised I would be home the following night. Once I got in my car and closed the door the flood gates opened. I cried hysterically, I was sure that was the last time I would ever see, hug, kiss, or talk to Gabby and Cole. The drive to the hospital seemed like it took 2 minutes to get there. Once inside we met with some of my co-worker/friends and they said a very beautiful prayer for me and I of course cried. I hugged them each very tightly and said my good byes. As I walked down the hall in the Surgical Procedure Unit I could feel my heart start beating faster and I had the urge to turn around and run. I knew I had to go through with this and this would be the surgery that would give me the opportunity to see my kids grow up. I signed myself in and had a seat in the waiting room, I saw my number on the operating room schedule board and was pretty sure I was going to hyperventilate. I kept asking my sister and Ryan if everything was going to be ok, I knew they were going to say yes and I also knew they had no clue. When the lady finally called my name I looked at Ryan and completely lost it, I was a big girl though. I gave my things to him said bye and walked away, the nurse asked if I was ok and I just shook my head no, she said "well grab your husband then sweetie, I don't want you this upset", I turned around very quickly and motioned for Ryan to come with me. Once I got in my prep and holding room and on the stretcher I started to calm down. Ryan and I chatted and tried to joke around, after they did everything they needed to do they let my sister, mom, and grand mom come back as well. The nurse came back in and said she had called upstairs to pre-op to ask if Ryan could stay with me and they told her no. They said he needed to wait out in the waiting area because they were very busy up there. I instantly started shaking and my anxiety level was through the roof again. They finally came back in and said it was time to go upstairs, they were ready for me. As we were in the elevator I kept praying that it would break down and buy me some time, it didn't. We got off the elevator and they wheeled me the pre-op area, when the lady stopped pushing the stretcher she said "ok guys here is where you say good bye" I started to breathe very heavy and I did not want to let go of Ryan's hand. I hugged everyone good bye and when I hugged Ryan I couldn't let go. I begged him to not let me go and to please promise me that he would take care of Gabby and Cole. Just as Ryan stepped away a very nice lady in a business suite came up to me and said "oh honey it is going to be ok, would you like to hold my hand?" I said "no" but took her hand anyway, she asked if that was better and I said "no" she said "would you like your husband to stay with you" I quickly responded with "YES". She looked at Ryan and said "you can come with her, we don't want anyone this scared, it is not scary up here". Yeah, ok, not scary, I am about to be knocked out for 5 hours, a little scary. Being rolled through pre-op is not comforting, there is people everywhere, all you hear is machines beeping and people making noises, and it is very dimly light. Once they wheeled me into my spot I was greeted by a very nice man named Frank. Frank was very soothing and he calmed me down, he told me I would be asleep before I knew it and then poof awake. He said the hardest part is going to be for Ryan and my family, they have to stay awake for the next 5 hours and wait. Everything seemed to happen rather quickly in pre-op, I met my anesthesiologist, one of the nurses that was going to be in the O.R. with me and I got to see Dr. Pahnke and Dr. Saunders one last time. Dr. Saunders came in first and he asked if I was ok, I told him no and he said to me "we have no first timers here today, we are all vets at what we do and I will not let anyone else touch you, you are going to be fine, I will make sure of it", I thanked him and he then drew all over my chest, that was the last time I would ever see the "girls". Up next my all time fave, Dr. Pahnke, he walked around the curtain took one look at Ryan and said "hey why are you here", Ryan pointed to me and I said "Dr. Pahnke I am sooo scared" he responded with "what happened, last night you were ok, what changed, nothing is going to happen to you I am here", the night before my surgery Dr. Pahnke called me to check on me, I told him how scared I was and he promised me everything was going to turn out how we wanted. After he chatted with me a bit he looked at the anesthesiologist and asked why she had not given me a sedative and why was I sitting there crying, I should have been in la la land by now. Dr. Pahnke grabbed his needle that he need to stick in my chest and the anesthesiologist grabbed 2 shots of something out of her magical little pack. Everything from here gets foggy and sporadic, I remember looking at Ryan while she was giving me the "good stuff", I don't remember the needle in my chest or being wheeled to O.R.. I don't remember my last convo with Ryan but the Coach bag comment is totally me. The next thing I remember was moving from the stretcher onto the O.R. table, I asked the O.R. nurse if the room was supposed to be that cluttered and told her it could have been nicer. I remember my anesthesiologist coming over to me and this conversation happened; me "are you going to be in here with me the entire time" her "yes, I will not leave you" me "well I don't like you" probably not what you want to tell the person who is going to be keeping you alive for the next 5 hours. She laughed and grabbed the "oxygen mask", she said next thing I would her is her saying "Amy time to get up, Amy open your eyes". I told her I knew that wasn't oxygen that it was the night-night medicine and I didn't want it. And that is all she wrote!

"Amy, Amy, what is your pain level Amy" that is the very next thing I remember. I must of muttered something because I suddenly felt hot and was back out. I opened my eyes again and tried to take the oxygen off my face and my nurse said to leave it alone or she would have to strap my hands down. She asked again about my pain and then the hot sensation came back. I did however ask my nurse if I was blind because I couldn't see anything and she just responded with "open your eyes". Good advice, not blind. I opened my eyes again because I could hear "hey babe you did it, it's all over" I looked up and saw Ryan standing there, my nurse said he could only stay for a minute because he was not supposed to be there but he had something to tell me. "Amy, it is over, you are officially CANCER FREE babe" I felt the biggest smile come across my face and I felt the biggest weight lifted off my chest, and not because the girls were gone. He kissed me on the forehead and said he had to go but he would see me in my room, I did not care any longer that I was alone, I was cancer free nothing was going to scare me now. The drug pushing nurse must have injected me 5 times with her hot night-night needle, I remember when the guy came to wheel me to my room the nurse said according to Dr. Pahnke I was VIP and I was going to the "Presidential Suite", I thought maybe it was the meds and I was hearing things but then someone else asked me if I was related to Dr. Pahnke, I told them no and asked why, they said they had strict orders as to where my recovery room was and when you get a recovery room on 7E you don't ask questions. I told them "oh no, not related, he collapsed my lung in April, he owes me one". I fell back asleep and woke back up in the elevator, I believe my nurse had over dosed me on pain meds because I asked the orderly guy where we were going, he said the 7th floor, and I asked if that was Heaven. Apparently, I not only thought you took an elevator to Heaven but it is located on the 7th floor. He just laughed and said "enjoy those meds". I really don't remember too much more from that night, I saw my mom and sister in my room and talked to them for a bit and then they left, Ryan was staying with me so he got his recliner bed ready right next to my bed. Here is the thing about the 7th floor, great private room, nice view, brand new but the nurses, it was like the Rudolph movie with the land of the misfit toys. I remember at 2:00am waking up in pain, I couldn't move so I was not able to reach Ryan (and once he is asleep you have to basically jump on him to wake him up), I could not reach my nurse button so I just laid there until finally someone came in to check my vitals. I got my percocet and went back to sleep.

The next day I had a few visitors and saw both my doctors again. Dr. Saunders came in first and he said everything went perfect as planned, he told me I had 3 drains (insert vomit noise) and asked if I wanted to see my chest. Not really. I did briefly glance down and saw 2 small A cup boobies, not as bad as I thought. He then told me it was up to me on going home or staying, I was going home. I just had to wait and see Dr. Pahnke first. Once he came in he explained to me what he took out and that everything looked great. He did say he took all my lymph nodes out just to be on the safe side. He loaded us up with hospital goodies and sent me on my way. I came home to a white and pink decorated house with signs made by the kids and my niece that said "cancer free". It felt good to be home.

Since being home I have not been able to do much. I was not allowed to lift my arms from the elbows up while I had the drains and I had to stay in the recliner with pillows propping up each arm. I did meet with my oncologist again to go over the final pathology from the surgery it turns out that at the time of surgery the area of cancer that was left measured about 1 millimeter (wow! it started out at 9 centimeters) and only 1 lymph node had been affected with 1/2 a millimeter of disease. Basically it was all micro-disease and those results were the best we could have gotten. I will meet with radiation doctor next week, we have decided to be extra safe and go with radiation to my chest as well. At this point I will do every option available to make sure this cancer NEVER returns.

I have seen my plastic surgeon twice, according to him everything is healing great, it feels very weird and uncomfortable to have these tissue expander implants. They are extremely hard and they don't move with your body. I have a hard time taking a deep breath because all my chest muscles have been scraped, cut, sewn, and angered. On Monday night Dr. Saunders removed all 3 drains, I asked him if it was going to hurt and he responded with "yes, it hurts", just lovely. He did not lie, once I took a deep breath and he pulled the drain tube I could feel it unraveling in my chest and rubbing along my muscles as he pulled it through. Once they were out he said we would meet next week for my first "fill". He is going to put 4 ounces or 120cc's in each side next week, I was instructed to take percocet prior to this appointment, not looking forward to it. As for now I am working on slowly being able to use and lift my arms again, I can not get them very high yet and I am working on straightening my arms as well. I start physical therapy in 2 weeks to help with the arm that has no lymph nodes (I can never have an injection, blood pressure, iv, or blood drawn from my right arm again). Despite all the frustrations that are coming along with this recovery and all the time it is going to take to recover, I am just happy to be cancer free! Gabby and Cole tell me everyday "mommy I am so happy you are cancer free" I just kiss their little heads and say "me too".

Cancer, check. Chemo, check. Surgery, check. 100% cancer free, CHECK!

"You and I know what it's like to be kicked down, forced to fight. But tonight, we're alright... so hold up your light, let it shine" - Bruno Mars

Since surgery, Amy has been quite down and out, sore and not able to do much besides sip through a straw and watch TV. SOOO, she asked me to step up and fill everyone in on what's been going on, how surgery went and how she's doing now. I asked her to tell me what she wanted me to write, but she left it up to me, gave me the freedom to tell the story of the past few days from my perspective. Not sure that was such a good idea (mwuahahahaha), but here goes ...

As well as most of us know Amy, it's no surprise that she had to know every step of the surgery, every procedure, the brand of latex gloves the doctors would be using, WELL in advance. She's been studying for the past few weeks, hell, probably the past few months about the ins and outs of this surgery just so there would be no surprises. I tell her all the time to take life as it comes, roll with the punches, but this time I really couldn't fight her. Surgery is something nobody (I would imagine) looks forward to and being prepared is never a bad thing when it comes to putting your life in someone else's hands. However, to say she was unbelievably nervous would be an understatement.

The surgery was scheduled for 12 noon on Friday, but we were told by the office staff at the hospital that we had to be there by 10 am. I had a hard time sleeping Thursday night and I'm sure it was 10 times harder for Amy. This became apparent to me when I woke up around 4 am and heard the shower running. Yeah. So when we finally all got up, around 7:30, I had to run a few errands while Amy got the kids ready for the weekend. They were staying with her dad for the day and then her sister was picking them up that night and they were staying with her at our house. Saying goodbye to the kids was nothing I was looking forward to seeing Amy deal with, however, she stayed incredibly strong for them. She kissed them each on the cheeks, told them she'd see them tomorrow night, and told them she loved them very much. As soon as the car door shut she lost it but I was very proud of her for holding it together in front of them.

We arrived at the hospital (Amy, her sister, mom, and myself) about 15 minutes early. 3 women that Amy works with (Lisa, Liz and Steph) met us there early and said a very touching/emotional prayer for her and our family. These women TRULY are amazing and Amy is so fortunate to not only have them as co-workers, but friends well. The entire staff at MOHC (for the most part :)  have really been incredible through all of this and I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for being there for our family, the love that you have shown us and the care that you have each given to help save my wife's life. My appreciation could never be expressed enough.

Ok, so enough mushy stuff... after the prayer, we signed in and waited for Amy's name to be called for what they called, "prep and holding". Luckily, when they called her name, they let me come back as well so Amy was certainly more comfortable with that. After an hour or so in P&H (they let Mandy and her mom come back after a little while, and her grandmom who had gotten there in the meantime), they sent us all upstairs to Pre-Op. We were told on the phone ahead of time that NO ONE was allowed in Pre-Op with Amy, so once they announced we were headed up to Pre-Op, the anxiety level went from about 5 to about 30 for her. However, once we got upstairs, we were greeted by someone in administration who let me go back with her... anxiety level back down to about 15 now.

In Pre-Op, the hospital staff was nothing short of awesome. From making her feel as comfortable as possible to getting threir job done and her ready for surgery, they were great. Here is where we saw both Dr. Pahnke and Dr. Saunders (plastic surgeon) just to go over a few last minute things, no big deal. The anesthesiologist came in, introduced herself, and then introduced Amy to a little sedative that she called, the "I don't care" meds. Anxiety level now about 0. Good to go and ready for the knife. As they wheeled her out of Pre-Op (11:54 am) and into the operating room, I walked with her until they told me I couldn't go any further. Now, keep in mind, Amy could barely hold her eyes open at this point, as if she was completely out of it, I wasn't even sure she knew where she still was. As they stop the rolling the bed in the hallway for me to say goodbye, the following conversation occurs:

(Me): "Ok babe, it's time to face the music. Time to go in there and the next time I see you, you'll be cancer free. This marks the end of this nightmare for us and our family. I am so proud of you for everything you are, everything you have done, and everything you stand for. You're an inspiration. I love you SO much (eyes are watering up at this point)."
(Amy): "Yeah I love you too. When I get out can I get a Coach bag?"
(Me): "Huh?!"
>I look up at the anesthesiologist<
(Female Anesthesiologist): "Yeah, it really doesn't matter what state of mind we're in..."

I give her a kiss on the forehead with a smile on my face now and that's the last I see my wife with cancer.

The 5 hour surgery seemed like 10. We waited patiently in the "surgery waiting area" to hear something. Killing 5 hours when your wife/daughter/sister/granddaughter is having surgery is not an easy feat. We tried to keep people up to date with texts and Facebook while playing cards, but nothing could really take any of our minds off what was really going on just down the hall.

At about 4:30 pm, Dr. Pahnke came out and said the surgery went great. His part was complete but Dr. Saunders was still in there finishing up. He said it looked as if one or two lymph nodes had been affected so he made an executive decision to take them all under her right arm out, which is what Amy would have wanted anyway so maybe we'll start to look past that chest tube Doc. About a half hour later Dr. Saunders came out and said everything on his end went perfect as planned. I was able to go back to Recovery for a few minutes to see her, but they wanted her to get some rest and keep a close eye on her vitals so I could only stay a minute or two. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her she was 100% cancer free, and watched the biggest, brightest smile that I've seen in a long time on my wife's face. Words we've been waiting to hear for far too long. The nurse gave me her room number and said she would be up there in about an hour. This gave us some time to grab a bite to eat and relax a little bit :).

Most of the hospital staff referred to her room as "the Presidential Suite"... ok Dr. Pahnke, NOW we can look past that chest tube. It was nice, about as nice as I could imagine a hospital room. Between vital checks and bathroom visits, neither of us were able to get much sleep that night. Both doctors came in the next day as a check up and both said she looked great. They left it up to her and said if she was feeling good enough, she could go home that day... we were home by 4:00 pm that afternoon.

She's been more sore than anything here at home. They gave her some percocets for the pain and they have helped, but can't take it all away. She has 3 drains right now that drain any fluid that is supplied to her breast area that have to be emptied twice a day. Dr. Saunders said 2 of them will probably be removed later this week and the last one sometime next week. She looks really good for having major surgery 2 days ago. Her attitude is upbeat, more than I would have expected, her appetite is gradually getting better, and that big bright smile is there just about all day long!

100% CANCER FREE!!!

I love you babe and am SO proud of you! :)

-Ryan