1 more left!

So after my chemo delay rant last week, my friend and co-worker, Michelle (or as I call her Bake) suggested a marvelous idea to me. She said "why don't we have you come in on Friday and just see if your counts are high enough, it can't hurt to check" (may not be the exact words) I was all for it. I went into the cancer center on Friday, July 1, had my blood drawn again and waited around for the results. I was really hoping they would come back good but was prepared to be sent home. About 15 mins after my blood draw Bake gave me the thumbs up and said my counts were good! That was music to my ears, never had I thought I would be happy to get chemo. My platelets went from 69 to 125 in a little over 24 hours, I was ready to get 5 under my belt. I had my usual visit with my doc, nothing new to report, I will get my heart checked 3 more times since one of the drugs I will have to get until next April can weaken your heart, I already have my mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI scheduled for the week after my next chemo, so this appointment I just apologized for being a crazy, emotional mess of a patient. No apology needed he told me I was the perfect patient and all my emotions were completley normal. I headed in the back to get ready for the goods.

I was talking to one of my co-workers while my nurse, Dawn, was hooking everything up and getting the meds started, mid convo I asked Dawn if she just gave me Ativan. Out of no where mid-sentence I felt loopy. The room was moving again and I was ready. For some reason this infusion was different for me, I am not sure if it was because I just want to be done and I know that I have to do 1 more or if my body is just getting sick and tired of all this. I was not too chatty and just wanted to sleep through it. It was like when you have a fever and you keep dosing in and out. It was no fun, it seemed to drag on. I don't even remember leaving this time or the car ride home. I remeber waking up on Saturday morning on my couch, still in the same clothes (which freaks me out, for some reason I think the chemo clothes are tainted, I know weirdo!). Saturday was actually a pretty bad day for me, I had the fever dosing in and out thing again all day, when I was awake I was crying. I had to wait until Sunday this time to get the dreaded Neulasta shot. I absolutely HATE this shot. I know that after I get it within 24 hours I am going to feel like a truck hit me and have bone pain. Well, I think the Neulasta had a point to prove this time.

Monday, July 4th, I honestly thought I was going to die. I woke up at about 4:00am in tears, my entire body hurt, it hurt to breathe, everytime I would move I would gag, I could not stand up my heart was racing, I was sweating profusly, and to make matters worse Cole was sick. He was at AI Dupont the day before because he was running a fever and had red oozy eyes and his pediatrician wanted him on an antibiotic since I had just recieved chemo. He wanted to lay with mommy but we were told to be seperated. To make matters worse, it was the Fourth of July, the kids wanted to see the fireworks as did I. I spent the entire day crying and just wishing it was over, I think it was harder emotionally this time because I knew what side effects were coming and that I did have to endure this 1 more time. Ryan finally got me to calm down enough to fall asleep for awhile. I woke up feeling pretty much the same, I spent the entire day on the couch and by Monday I had not eaten since Friday, everything felt like it was too much to handle. Thank the good Lord that on Tuesday I woke up feeling better, not 100% not even 50% but better then the previous day. I have the same effects as usual, painful mouth, no taste, bone aches, racing heart, feeling loopy, fatigue, and of course crying. Each day is a new day and one day closer to this being over. I am going to try and stay calm and allow my body to do what it needs to get through the rest of this summer because by fall, watch out world I will be back!!!