It has been some time since I have updated my blog, with my 2 year cancer-free-iversary coming up, I thought now was a good time. I have no new health issues to report, which is a GREAT thing. I have basically been busy living life again. It really took a long time to return to "normal" or at least my version of it. I can honestly say though, I like this version of me a lot better. That girl I was leading up to that day in 2011 is long gone. Living life and appreciating everyday as though it could be your last, or your last "healthy" day is a great way to live. I enjoy things I previously did not, I do things I previously did not, and I try and be the best that I can be every day. I understand now that I am not perfect, that's ok. My life isn't perfect, that's ok. I don't have a bank account with an endless supply of money, I don't drive the fanciest cars, I don't live in the biggest house, I don't have all the material things in the world, but what I do have is so much better than anything a green bill or plastic card could give me. I have my health, I have my amazingly smart, beautiful, loving, compassionate, hilarious children, I have an incredible husband who stood by me every step of the way, who carried me when I was too weak to think I could get by, who allowed me the space and time to be sad, scared, angry, and a thousand other emotions I went through. I have a beautiful circle of friends. Friends that I know understand me, friends that don't let me get caught up in thoughts, friendships that I know will last a lifetime. I have parents and in-laws that have supported me and my family through it all, I have a beautiful life that I would not have had if it were not for going through cancer. I feel so grateful for having gone through this journey.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together". That is a quote I have on my desk at work. I have gone back to my old position and I feel really good about being there for other patients. All I want is for other people to see me, no matter what cancer they have, and think I can do this. I like feeling as though I am an inspiration, or hope, or even a person they can just let it all out with. Going back to my old position was scary at first, I really wasn't sure how I was going to handle the every day interaction. I could not be happier. Seeing the relief on people's faces, patients and family members, when they realize that I too have been there is priceless. I don't tell them I am a cancer survivor, I simply have a picture of Cole wearing a shirt that says "my mom is a breast cancer survivor". When people see that picture and then look at me, I just say "see this is 2 years later". I would not be able to help other people in the way I can now had I not walked the walk.
My crazy summer has been full of trips; the beach, Canada, Gettysburg, Dutch Wonderland, traveling for my husbands baseball games. Getting to do fun things like zip lining, getting a new puppy (Jake; a Chocolate Lab), the list goes on. These are things that I would have passed on in previous years. These are things that have made the best memories for me and my family. Again, these are memories I would not have had I not been forced to face my fears and realize that everything can be taken from you at any point. I think the best and biggest lesson I have learned is to forgive. Holding on to grudges and holding on to the past is only holding you down. People will come in and out of your life, people will make you angry, people will make you sad, being able to let go of all that is a wonderful feeling. Life is way too short.
"Smile like you've never cried. Fight like you've never lost. Live like you'll die tomorrow".
