Nana

"Love is the greatest gift that one generation can leave to another"-Richard Garnett

  Anyone who knows me, knows I am not really good at speaking my feelings. I am better at writing down what is in my mind. I find it easier to express emotions through writing.

  On Saturday my husbands family lost their matriarch. Ryan lost his Nana, my mother-in-law, Pam, lost her mom. Gabby and Cole lost their great grandmother and I lost a woman who showed me so much in the 16 years I knew her. Nana was a strong, caring, compassionate, loving, stubborn, and big hearted person. From the very first time I met her, she was Nana. Not Mrs. Ridall, not Ms. Evelyn, but Nana. She welcomed me into her family with open arms, she always made me feel comfortable, she always made me feel as though I was her grandchild my entire life. She had a special quality about her. No matter what she had going on in her life she always made time for you. One thing that always stood out to me was how much she loved her grandchildren and in return, how much her grandchildren loved her. 

 When I received the phone call on Saturday that Nana wasn't doing well, my heart broke. My heart broke because Ryan was 2 hours away at a baseball game he couldn't leave, Pam and DR were 6 hours away trying to get home as quickly as possible. I headed to the hospital (with my sister, because I called her frantic) to sit with Nana. I was not prepared for what I walked into. As I walked into the room and saw Nana it took every single ounce of everything I had in me to keep it together. I stood there for a few minutes looking at her and trying to figure out what the right things to say were or what the right thing to do was. 

 As difficult as it was seeing her like that, I am so very thankful and honored to have gotten to spend the last few hours of her life with her. She asked to hold my hand at one point and I sat on the hospital floor (yes, germ-a-phobic me sat on the hospital floor) and held her hand and rubbed her head while she replayed memories of her life in her mind. She wasn't able to really speak, so instead I just reassured her that everything was going to be ok, that her family loved her so very much. I thanked her for showing me what unconditional love looked like, for raising a fantastic daughter who was an equally as wonderful Grammy. I thanked her for having a hand in raising Ryan and I told her he was the most incredible person I knew. But most importantly for me, I told Nana how much I loved her (again, I am not good at expressing my feelings). I sat on that floor holding her hand and rubbing her head for 2 hours. That is 2 hours of my life that I will forever cherish. 

 When we lose someone we love, we have to find the beauty in the situation. Watching someone take their last breath is not easy, being there the moment they slip away is haunting. However, just like I have always done in my life, I turned to my sister. She told me to think of that last breath as a milestone. Nana took her first breath in hospital room surrounded by people who loved her deeply, she lived an incredible 82 years, and then took her final breath in a hospital room surrounded by those who loved her deeply. Her life came full circle. Her memory, her amazing qualities, her values, and her will forever live on in her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren, and anyone who was lucky enough to have her in their life.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened "-Dr. Seuss

Rest in Peace Nana, I love you.