Everyday is one day closer

It has become so incredibly easy to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have dedicated many hours to sitting on my couch and crying. I was a crier before all this but I really don't understand how I have any tears left. I cry all the time. I cry when Cole tells me a knock knock joke, I cry when Gabby says "are you really crying again", I cry and cry and cry. I have decided from this point forward I will allow myself 15 minutes a day to cry or feel sorry for myself, whatever I want. Then after that it will be wipe your eyes and move on. I am now 2 weeks to the day past my first chemo, still feeling tired and funny but I made it through a lot in the past 2 weeks. If I can make it through chemo, surgery, collapsed lung, chest tube, and a hospital stay, I can make it through all this. My body has proven to me that it is stronger than I could have ever imagined it to be.

I can sit here all day and make a list. A list of reasons why I should cry and why I should just sit around all day but that would be me allowing the cancer to define me. The cancer will not become a defining part of my life, it will be a temporary piece to my journey not a permanent one and definitely not something that deserves anymore of my time or energy. Instead I will make a list of the "silver linings" and reasons that I will thank the cancer for coming into my life. Here it goes;
~I get to spend all day every day home with Gabby and Cole
~I get to eat breakfast lunch and dinner with Gabby and Cole
~I get to watch daytime TV ( I am a sucker for Dawson's Creek re-runs)
~I get to take a nap in the middle of the day if I want
~I get to stay in my jammies all day if I want
~I can go outside and enjoy the nice weather instead of being stuck in an office
~I don't have to worry about doing my hair this summer (just throw on a wig or head scarves and I am ready)
~I don't have to shave my legs or underarms this summer (thanks chemo :) )
~I can spend my summer with my kiddies and my niece and nephew if I want
~I get to have my husband home every night (he used to work nights)
~I had my faith in people restored ( 99% of the time people really do care )
~I have communication with cousins and an aunt and uncle again
~I have time to be me and figure out what I really want to do with the rest of my life
~I get to take my kids to Disney World when this over
~I realized that I have some pretty amazing friends

Anytime I start to feel sorry for myself again, I will look back at my list and snap out of it. Yes, I have cancer. No, I am not going to stop living my life because of it. I did not appreciate what I had prior to this and now I do. I did not stop and take the time to enjoy the small things in life, now I will. So this will be 7 months of a struggle for me and family but in the end we will have a closer family, a new appreciation for life, a reason to live and I mean live life. All the small things don't matter anymore, who cares if it is not name brand ( that is a huge thing for me to say whoa), who cares if my kids make a mess or don't know the answer to a question, who cares if I am not on time, who cares if I am not a size 4, all that matters is that I am alive and could have it so much worse.