I was really hoping that chemo number 2 was going to be easier. Well, it has proven that it wants to show up chemo number 1. Today it has been one week and a day since my body was overtaken with toxins and I still am feeling it. Last time I was hopeful that I felt so bad for the entire week because I was in a hospital with a garden hose coming out of my side, well, apparently that awful feeling all week was not my hose buddy but the actual chemo. This sucks! I am not gonna sugar coat things, I have been told "chemo isn't fun but its doable", "you will breeze right through it", "chemo isn't a big deal, I worked the entire time, just missing the day of treatment" either these people were trying to be nice or they are super human. There is no way I would be able to work and do this, now I am a baby when I am sick. Prior to all this cancer nonsense when I had a cold I would complain and be a complete wimp but my goodness when is this going to start getting easier. The effects chemo has on your mouth alone are enough to make me cry, well I cry a lot so let me rephrase that, are enough to make a sane person crazy. My teeth feel like they have a constant coating on them no matter how many times I brush them, my tongue feels like I drank something way too hot and burnt the entire thing, the roof of my mouth feels like sandpaper, and the inside of my cheeks have weird ridges on them. Not to mention anything I try to eat feels like razors going down and has absolutely no taste what so ever. Now, my nose is an entirely different ballgame, I cant breathe through it, so I have to use my mouth and the air makes it dry adding to the list of mouth issues, my nose is so dry that when I spray saline up there and blow it is bleeding. I have to constantly flare my nostrils to break them apart and it hurts. My skin is dry, when I get out of the shower and dry off my skin peels like I have sunburn.The palms of my hands are so sensitive it hurts to open things. I can't wear my contacts and am over my glasses, I have no energy, I feel like an 80 year old, I can't concentrate on things, I get overly emotional, I HATE the way I look, and for 3 days after treatment I feel like I have the flu. So, yeah all these things aside, chemo is a breeze! All I can say is July 21st, which is my last chemo, can not come soon enough.
The port. How can I forget to complain about my lovely port. Words can not express how much I hate this thing. I want it out, I have asked to have it removed, only to be shot down. I must keep it in till July, then my doc will let me get it out and allow me to get the years worth of Herceptin through the veins in my hand. The chemo that I am getting is very hard and toxic on your veins so there is no option. I honestly would rather take my chances with the veins then keep this thing in my body. Not only do I have a "bump" under my skin where the port is located, I have 2 areas where the doc cut me, so now I can add 2 more scars to my body, I am allergic to anything that touches me apparently, so I have little bumps and red spots from where the surgi strips were. The top incscion has a little clear stitch still hanging out and it is a very noticeable area if you look at me. I have to wear v-neck shirts because if something rubs against it is sensitive, so there she is for the whole world to see. To make matters worse when I take deep breaths or move a certain way I can feel the catheter that is hanging out right above my heart pull. It was pulling so bad the other day I went in and had chest xray number 11. I wonder how many really is too many? I went in and saw one of the doc I work for and he said xray was good lung was at 100%, port was in the right place and he gave me an anti-inflammatory to take, well that pill was fun. After 2 doses of it I had such bad abdominal pains that I thought I was in labor. The cramping to the point of not being able to move, breaking out in a sweat, and wishing I was able to get an epidural. I had to stop the medicine and switch over Aleve which works just not as well.
In case anyone was wondering, I am not liking chemo at all. Hopefully, me dreading getting this again on 5/19, 6/9, 6/30, and 7/21 will make the time go by fast. Then I can sit around for a month and starting worrying about surgery. I can't wait to get my life back.
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