Round 2 too soon

In three days I will be heading off to the Helen F Graham again to get my lovely friends Taxotere/Carboplatin/Herceptin infused into my body. I can honestly say that I am a little more scared to have it done a second time. I thought after the first round that going again would be no problem. Well, I was wrong. I am not sure if I am more afraid of them using the port this time to give me the chemo, the port is like a little alien under my skin that I can see and feel, I have been researching the port and have learned that it leads into an artery in my heart, I think. The thought of chemo going directly into my heart doesn't really sit that well with me. But, I hear that I will LOVE the port after I get my next infusion. I also am a little nervous about the drugs being pumped into me faster. The first time I got chemo it was a five and a half hour process, this time I will get it all in three hours, which means the drugs are going in a lot faster, don't like the thought of that either.

It is 18 days after my first treatment and I finally feel like me again. I got up this morning and cleaned my house, I slept relatively well, and my nose is not like a leaking faucet so far. I really am holding out hope that the first treatment was the worst. That from here on out it will not be as rough, I actually only felt like I had the flu on day 3 and 4 after treatment, but then again I ended up in the hospital on Monday night being pumped full of meds and fluids and spending the whole week there I honestly have no clue what I would have felt like had my lung not collapsed. So, I am going into treatment number 2 kinda of blind again. I do not know what effects I will have all next week, the one thing I do know is that chemo totally wiped out all my counts and I was told that on day 5, Wednesday, I will need to be in a "bubble". That is the day my counts were at 0 and I will not be able to fight off infections.

Round 1 was very hard on me and I am dreading going into round 2, I will have 4 left after this Thursday, then recovery from chemo followed by surgery and lastly radiation. I really was trying to think of ways to talk my oncologist into letting me get by with 4 treatments, I am having a double mastectomy so why keep trying to shrink the tumor if I am going to have the entire thing removed. I have finally decided that I will ask why I have to do 6 but I will push through and do all of them. My theory is 6 treatments gives me security, security that I will be able to pick out a prom dress with Gabby, see Cole play baseball in high school, attend the weddings of my kids and my niece and nephew, and grow old with Ryan. 6 treatments will be long and there will be ups and downs but sometimes it takes a battle to get a second chance. Once I win this battle and am given my second chance you can bet your money that I am gonna live one hell of a life.